Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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