I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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