I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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