mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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