Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
