Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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