I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
