Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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