I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
