yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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