he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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