is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
