i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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