"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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