I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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