i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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