I could make wine with my vomit
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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