no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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