Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
