Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
