If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
