I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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