i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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