Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
