so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pooping to opera.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
