Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
