i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
