Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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