I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
