I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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