Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
