So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
