He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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