Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
