Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
