i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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