I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
