can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
