I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
