I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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