Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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