At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
