haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
