i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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