It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
