im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
