dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
