the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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