I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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