Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
