He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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