I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
