glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
