she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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