In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
