for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
