I met the friendliest cop last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
