Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
