Jerry, you need to find god
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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