Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
