mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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