Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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