So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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