I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
