I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
