You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
